I puked a lego.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Less talking, more tequila
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
