if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
