I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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