i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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