That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
