end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
