Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
