He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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