You're a womanizer and a bitch.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
