wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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