You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
