Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
