Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
