I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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