i just had sex bonerless
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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