im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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