so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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