Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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