were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
