i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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