The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
