Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
She tied me up with her honor cords...
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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