im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
