cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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