there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
