he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
