god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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