Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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