i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
