if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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