can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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