why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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