I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
