she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
