I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
