Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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