Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
