woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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