thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
