drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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