Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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