He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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