U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
