Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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