Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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