my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
