I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
