I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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