I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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