the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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