Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
