I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
