i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
It's official drugs can't kill me
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
