I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
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