I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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