You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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