You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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