Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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