So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I just forgot I was standing up.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
