Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
