You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Randomize
