So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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