Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
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