I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
