toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
