my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
