He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Too much gin, very little bucket
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize