I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I think people are normalizing furries
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
