its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
