i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
