The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
